Tuxxedo: I never said I had a "bad" shoe game
get ready for a lot of randomness...
Definitively it doesn't matter to me one way or another if I get married or not... because at this point in life I can say that I BELIEVE in GOD's preDETERMINED WILL... if there is a life mate for me in this world ... then there is a life mate for me in this world... and our interactions will be as such as predetermined...
What perplexes me however is the humanistic values (don't ask me what that means lol) It doesn't matter what situation I put myself into (and I'm sure many will initially argue me down)... but if I go out to the club, stay in the house, or sign up for a dating website... it can not change what will be... it's like in vitro fertilization... you can disturb nature however you want... duplicate and multiply... but you can not avoid the predetermined aspect of death... you can prolong it... you can create events to incite onset ... but you cannot avoid the predetermined outcome of death
The greatest pain for me is the natural human needs ... I'm not science savvy but what scientist would prob label the chemical balance of attraction yadda yadda... the emotional need, the physical need, which I must take credit for strengthening by opening myself to those experiences... all though they were predetermined...
When I reflect I can see that the relationships I have had with the opposite sex are very valuable... although few and far between it's like God allowed me to experience a taste of different things only to plant the desire for them and the respect for them in an ideal future...I can't tell you what love feels like... but if it's half of what I glimpsed... it's quite powerful and shouldn't be experienced in the random.
All of this to say I read a good blog by a young male and his "thought" process about love and the idea of it made me smile... to know someone else is deeply thinking is quite inspiring!
P.S. Personal reasons why I don't think I'm "ready"... I have no goals... but many desires... I've set no promise... but many requirements... all though I know I will never be complete on this earth... I'm not quite sure that the me I am giving ... is at the point that it can fully be an asset to another in a romantic relationship situation... I do have a lot of things to share etc... but I feel my "self" is just not quite ready yet and I'm not talking in the superficial I still need to buy my loft type of way lol...
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